As much as people try to understand what I’ve gone through this last year or still deal with on a daily basis, the truth is that unless you have experienced a brain injury or a stroke, there’s no possible way for you to ever truly understand. Tonight I attended my first @thebeefoundation support group. An invite randomly showed up in my inbox yesterday. A few weeks after my aneurysm ruptured, I connected with the Bee Foundation. The work they do is so important. Not only for survivors but also fighting for government funding for early detection and prevention of brain aneurysms.
I struggled a lot at work today. I just don’t perform at the level I used to. Today, I made the comment to friends that I love who I’ve become since my stroke but I miss versions of who/how I used to be. I feel alone in that feeling. I struggle mentally because I can’t pretend everything is okay when it’s actually not. It’s also hard to celebrate my aneurysm being healed because I will never actually be “healed.” These were some of the thoughts running through my head today before I joined the support group.
We started with a reading about uncertainty. As others shared their stories I realized I was not alone. These people are experiencing the same feelings, emotions, fears, thoughts, insecurities, physical and neurological deficits that I am. While our individual experiences with brain aneurysms and/or strokes are different, life after is very similar. We are all merely trying to navigate life as survivors with tremendous uncertainty while being grateful.
I’m so glad I got invited to that support group. It was exactly what I needed to connect with others who are like me. I cried hysterically after I got off of the zoom and now I’m laughing at how the universe continues to give me exactly what I need when I need it. So if you’re like me, still trying to figure out and control every aspect of your life, STOP! We can still know peace, without knowing what comes next. For those of us suffering in silence with smiles on our faces, I am hopeful that with each day it will get easier and we can wake up with less fear, less pain, less frustration and a little more joy. 💕🧠