yetIt has been what feels like the longest year of my life. At the same time, I feel that if I had blinked, I would have missed it … I would have missed the signs … I would have missed the scan and, ultimately, the angiogram that saved my life.
And the diagnosis that changed my life: two unruptured brain aneurysms.
I wasn’t surprised, as my younger brother always joked that I was quite the overachiever in everything I did. However, I’m not sure this was an area I was hoping to excel in (yes … over the past year, I’ve worked on finding humor in things—thanks, Junior!).
Today, I’m writing to celebrate a milestone and reflect on an opportunity I consider myself extremely blessed to have. On December 11, 2023, I underwent brain surgery for the first time to have a stent flow diverter placed in one of the aneurysms that was considered high risk for rupture. I still remember the overwhelming feelings of panic, fear, and helplessness.
The questions that flooded my mind in the weeks, days, and nights after the diagnosis and before the surgery were unrelenting:
- I’m a young mother to three beautiful children—what will they do without their mother if something happens to me?
- My youngest is one; will she even have the chance to know me or remember me if something happens?
- My husband and I are our only support system where we live. What would happen to him and the kids if I’m gone?
- What would happen to my parents, especially my mother? She has always been very delicate with her health issues. How would she cope?
- My brother—who will watch over him? He’s only ever had me to look out for him.
- My best girlfriends, the godmothers to my children—do they know how much I love them? Have I expressed that enough over the years?
The thoughts were heavy and dark, especially during a month that should have been filled with nothing but cheer and holiday magic.
Through research, I was lucky to find the Bee Foundation, and I joined one of their support groups a month before my scheduled surgery. The Bee Hive welcomed me instantly with open arms. I met warriors and survivors who had been through unimaginable challenges and came out fighting. Their stories were inspirational. Even though my situation wasn’t exactly the same, they still welcomed me, uplifted me, and gave me the courage to face this “new version” of myself with grace, a little less fear, and lots of understanding (even if it’s harder on most days).
My family and friends have been an incredible support system, but there’s something uniquely powerful about the Bee Hive. Their kindness, love, and understanding were a guiding light through my darkest moments, and I am forever grateful.
Living with an unruptured aneurysm hasn’t been easy. The fear, anxiety, and helplessness are still there. It’s a battle I fight every day, both mentally and physically. The fatigue, forgetfulness, vision and speech changes, and sensitivity to sound remind me daily that I’m no longer the person I was before surgery. I am a new me. Yet, in many ways, pieces of my former self feel enhanced as I have learned to take in more of the glimmers life has to offer.
As I celebrate my very first Aneu-versary, I reflect on these positive thoughts:
- Bee-Kind: To my beloved Emma, Vincent, and Giada, and my precious nieces and nephews—never stop being kind. You are the kindest souls I have ever known, and the love you share is a reminder that no matter what happens, you will always have each other. Kindness has brought incredible people into my life and helped me through the toughest times. Always Bee Kind.
- Bee-Courageous: To Michael, Junior, Mama and Papa Plaza, Aunt Emma, and my Bee Hive family—continue to be courageous in everything you do. Your life-altering journeys, whether by choice or circumstance, have inspired me every day to keep fighting the good fight. When fear is an option, choose courage.
- Don’t Stop Bee-lieving: They say there’s always a song that sticks with you during the hard, sad, and joyous times. For me, it’s Don’t Stop Believin’. (Kids—if you’re reading this and haven’t already, start with Journey and then move quickly to Bon Jovi. Make this Jersey girl proud!) To my cherished friends, old and new, and anyone reading this who may find themselves or a loved one on a similar journey: Do not lose hope. Do not feel alone. Accept help from loved ones. Give yourself grace and patience to navigate the difficult times and embrace the new you. Allow others the chance to understand the changes you’ve gone through. Above all, don’t ever stop believing that better days are ahead.
